Hmmm..

It seems like it's been awhile since I really stopped to think about things... About everything. It feels like I've lost the ability to think deeply, with a focused mind. Maybe I just need more time to myself. There's only so much I can do nowadays...

Here I go again, failing Him more and more each day... Why does this happen? I thought I was over it already.. But I guess it's never really over. It's a constant struggle that He already expects me to go through. But I really need help, I can't do this alone...

I wonder, am I still being true to myself lately? I don't even know anymore...

I don't understand. I never really expected things to turn out this way.. For awhile now I've resisted, just waiting for the type of person that I know I needed. So why were things different when it came to her?
I honestly don't have a clue how I'm going to bring her to Christ, or if I even have the courage to try hard enough. I keep sensing that she just feels uneasy about all of it. I know I shouldn't be scared, but why am I?
I love her, I really do. But there are times when I ask myself if this is really what's right for me.. I would hate to think that I'm only setting ourselves up for inevitable heartbreak.. Only God knows...

I want to blog everything out a lot more, but I don't know if I should right now.. I really don't know what I'm doing with my life right now, for that matter. Am I even going the right way? I guess only time will tell...

Rest in Paradise...

So it's been awhile (again) since I've blogged, but given the circumstances I'd figure it would be appropriate now more than ever, just so I can forever cling to the memories that I've had with a loved one that's now gone, Tita Elsa. I mean, I guess I haven't known her as long as most people, but that NEVER mattered to her. She always treated me as if I've known her my whole life, and it honestly feels like I have... From the beginning, she's welcomed me and my family to the church. Every time I would see her she would always encourage me to keep worshipping God, showing true appreciation for me... She would ask me about my future, about college and everything... She always told me not to go too far and to stay around for the church (which I hope to do), and to maybe even consider going to a bible college, hehe. I always took her advice to heart and greatly appreciated the things that she told me... I just wish she was still around to give me more...

I'm ever so thankful for the great friendship that she gave my mom, guiding her in her transition to the church and for always being there for her... I'm thankful for the marvelous things that she has taught Miggy. Bible verses and Christian ways of living that he's really taken to heart, things that I wish I learned when I was a kid, hehe. She has just done so many big things for me, my family, and everyone who has ever come across her... She was truly a blessing, one of the greatest servants of Christ that I've ever known..

 I still find it hard to believe that she's gone now... It was all so unexpected and so shocking to the point of utter disbelief. Of course, I miss her, a lot. The role that she played here on Earth will be a hard void to fill, but I know that she will live on in our lives, through her family and through the church. I can truly see how God has used this to strengthen the church. And even with me, I've found that I've been devoting a lot more time to God lately, wanting to live more like her... To be a servant like her... Sigh... Yet, despite all of these sorrow feelings, I find joy in the fact that she's with our Lord now :) I can just imagine how happy she is now that she truly knows what it's like to be in heaven, to see Him face to face and finally be with Him. 

So with all that said, I just want to thank Tita Elsa for all that she has done, for the legacy that she's left, and for allowing God to work wonderful things through her. Rest in paradise Tita Elsa, I'll see you when I get there :)